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Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 09/19/2020 :  09:28:30 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their
soon-to-be new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other.....
"I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious retired Navy Chief walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked,......
"What are you sellin' here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically.......
"We're selling a-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the Navy Chief said,........
"Must be doing well... only two left."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Navy Chiefs -- don't mess with them!



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George D
Moderator

Premium Member


Posted - 09/19/2020 :  10:46:34 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I have some Navy friends that will appreciate that joke, Rick.

George



Country: USA | Posts: 16375 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 10/14/2020 :  06:17:49 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote



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Tyson Rayles
Moderator

Premium Member


Posted - 10/14/2020 :  08:53:38 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
???


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deemery
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 10/14/2020 :  08:56:26 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Tyson Rayles

???



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2o4zxtqNZ4

dave


Modeling 1890s (because the voices in my head told me to)

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Tyson Rayles
Moderator

Premium Member


Posted - 10/14/2020 :  3:18:35 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thanks


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Philip
Fireman



Posted - 10/14/2020 :  9:41:14 PM  Show Profile  Visit Philip's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Joke of the day. 2020


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Ray Dunakin
Fireman



Posted - 10/14/2020 :  11:19:20 PM  Show Profile  Visit Ray Dunakin's Homepage  Reply with Quote
They finally found a cure for the Invisible Man. They took him to the ICU.


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Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 10/16/2020 :  8:07:39 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, ...please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"
"Now tell me, what the heck would you say?"



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Ray Dunakin
Fireman



Posted - 10/17/2020 :  12:04:10 AM  Show Profile  Visit Ray Dunakin's Homepage  Reply with Quote
LOL! That's a good one!


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Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 11/17/2020 :  10:13:01 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote



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George D
Moderator

Premium Member


Posted - 11/17/2020 :  1:52:23 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is UP. It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or .

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election (if there is a tie, it is a toss UP) and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP..

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1 /4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with (UP to) a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . My time is UP!

Oh . . . One more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?

Did that one crack you UP?



Country: USA | Posts: 16375 Go to Top of Page

k9wrangler
Engineer



Posted - 11/17/2020 :  5:37:57 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
You left out, the UP is a great place to live.

Karl Scribner
Sunfield Twp. Michigan
H.M.F.I.C
Kentucky Southern Railway
The Spartan Line

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Tyson Rayles
Moderator

Premium Member


Posted - 11/18/2020 :  08:31:25 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
"the last thing you do at night" ?


Country: USA | Posts: 13309 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 11/18/2020 :  08:53:28 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Tyson Rayles

"the last thing you do at night" ?



Lay down???

Anyway, two thumbs UP for that one George.



Country: USA | Posts: 24069 Go to Top of Page
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