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teaspoon
Fireman

USA
1078 Posts

Posted - 04/10/2013 :  7:01:12 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
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Rick
Administrator

USA
22956 Posts

Posted - 04/11/2013 :  04:25:31 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
At the old folk's home the guys all chipped in and got a hooker for one of the resident's 90th birthday. At the party, the hooker asks the birthday boy "Hey, Tiger, you want some super sex?"

The old man looks her up and down and says "What kind of soup?"
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teaspoon
Fireman

USA
1078 Posts

Posted - 04/12/2013 :  12:29:05 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
As some of you may know, my other hobby is Civil War reenacting. In this video, Conan O'Brien proves that he would make a lousy reenactor, in other words, he would fit right in!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_gWsWcs3Qc

Edited by - teaspoon on 04/12/2013 12:30:13 PM
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mabloodhound
Fireman

USA
6700 Posts

Posted - 04/12/2013 :  12:59:57 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
That was pretty good, teaspoon. I'm not a Conan fan but did enjoy that.
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brakie
Fireman

USA
6979 Posts

Posted - 04/12/2013 :  2:18:24 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
This has to be the funniest commercial to date.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voaelLQ23gA

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deemery
Fireman

USA
7790 Posts

Posted - 04/12/2013 :  2:23:56 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by brakie

This has to be the funniest commercial to date.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voaelLQ23gA



That's pretty good. But THIS is the best ad ever: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GY6uJlI-t14

dave

Modeling 1890s (because the voices in my head told me to)
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Rick
Administrator

USA
22956 Posts

Posted - 04/12/2013 :  5:57:24 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Victor Borge - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx4n9P4bLEo
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Rick
Administrator

USA
22956 Posts

Posted - 04/13/2013 :  1:11:28 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Comic Legend Jonathan Winters Dies at 87 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gugEmSCpLRE

Jonathan Winters "The Stick" Apr 1964 Jack Paar - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwWDa1xPTPA
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mwbpequod
Fireman

USA
1976 Posts

Posted - 04/15/2013 :  09:01:05 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
HELL EXPLAINED

BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... .....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

To act in the world is the only way to understand it. In this life it is given only to God and his angels and poets to be lookers-on.
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Frank Palmer
Fireman

USA
5407 Posts

Posted - 04/15/2013 :  10:06:50 AM  Show Profile  Visit Frank Palmer's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Now that was a great joke.

Frank
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jimdad1
Engine Wiper

Canada
211 Posts

Posted - 04/15/2013 :  8:43:42 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where in tarnation have you been all night?" she demands.

"At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - heck, even the urinal's gold!"

The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story.

"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.

"Yes it is," bartender answers.

"Do you have huge golden doors?"

"Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?"

"Most certainly do."

"What about golden urinals?"

There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that peed in your saxophone last night!"
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Rick
Administrator

USA
22956 Posts

Posted - 04/19/2013 :  9:45:03 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Confucius say:

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter is Eskimo Pi.
Women and rocks are very much alike. We skip the flat ones.
The fear of death keeps us from living, not from dying.
Man who wants to kill a circus troupe, should go for the juggler.
The perfect gift for man who has everything, is a burglar alarm.
Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.
When Einstein stared at his cousin's boobs, he discovered 'Theory of Relative Titty'.
Husband who sleep on couch last night, have hard time today.
Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If your girlfriend starts smoking, slow down and use a lubricant.
Best time to buy new mattress, at first sign of spring.
'Tis better to have loved a short woman than to have never loved a tall.
Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy...
Man who eats photograph of his Dad is soon spitting image of his father.
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hunter48820
Fireman

USA
6117 Posts

Posted - 04/20/2013 :  9:03:10 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
84 year old Sniper

Thought you would appreciate this story. Quite a nice older gentleman. He's is really awesome.

It's been about sixty years since he's done this.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/MQRpAxGVg4M?rel=0



Look out for #1, but don't step in #2!

Andy Keeney
Dewitt, MI
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Pennman
Fireman

USA
4150 Posts

Posted - 04/22/2013 :  9:30:07 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
[quote]Originally posted by hunter48820

84 year old Sniper

Thought you would appreciate this story. Quite a nice older gentleman. He's is really awesome.

It's been about sixty years since he's done this.

Andy,
Thanks for sharing this, my Dad, would have liked to see this, if he were alive today. He was a WW II vet, in a Tank Destroyer unit.
He didn't talk about the War much, can't say I blame him. They all fought a different kind of enemy then.
Rich



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deemery
Fireman

USA
7790 Posts

Posted - 04/23/2013 :  2:41:02 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
The 39 drunkest people in Britain: http://www.buzzfeed.com/lukelewis/the-drunkest-people-in-britain (Not a Pretty Site!)

dave

Modeling 1890s (because the voices in my head told me to)
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