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belg
Fireman

USA
4503 Posts

Posted - 03/31/2013 :  09:01:32 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King’s chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1 000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen’s bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch. The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen’s large and magnificent breasts. The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn’t have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get Lost. The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the kings underwear. The king immediately summoned Nick.

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Rick
Administrator

USA
22966 Posts

Posted - 03/31/2013 :  4:46:35 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
You'll be happy that you watched this: http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=EEu42L0ufBY
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vzjtothalo
Engine Wiper

USA
145 Posts

Posted - 04/01/2013 :  09:08:53 AM  Show Profile  Send vzjtothalo an AOL message  Reply with Quote
Limited time offer:

http://www.kitforums.com/portal.php

John Loesch
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belg
Fireman

USA
4503 Posts

Posted - 04/01/2013 :  10:18:13 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by vzjtothalo

Limited time offer:

http://www.kitforums.com/portal.php


Whats the offer the link just takes you to the home page of the forum.

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Pennman
Fireman

USA
4152 Posts

Posted - 04/01/2013 :  11:18:54 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by belg

quote:
Originally posted by vzjtothalo

Limited time offer:

http://www.kitforums.com/portal.php


Whats the offer the link just takes you to the home page of the forum.


Whats the offer the link just takes you to the home page of the forum.

"APRIL FOOLS!!!
Rich
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vzjtothalo
Engine Wiper

USA
145 Posts

Posted - 04/02/2013 :  08:18:19 AM  Show Profile  Send vzjtothalo an AOL message  Reply with Quote
The limited time offer was a false landing page with a screenshot of The Worcester Telegram & Gazette's webpage saying Jimmy had been arrested and that MRRFORUMS would be shut down for the next 30 days while things were sorted out. Hyperlinks on the page took you to the actual forum. I guess Jimmy took it down less than an hour later. Sorry.

John Loesch
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mwbpequod
Fireman

USA
1976 Posts

Posted - 04/02/2013 :  12:39:16 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelery store in a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.

He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweller said.

The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'By cheque.

I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweller angrily phoned the old man and said, 'There was only $25 in your account.'

I know, said the old man, 'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'


To act in the world is the only way to understand it. In this life it is given only to God and his angels and poets to be lookers-on.
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R.BOUDREAUX
Fireman

USA
1612 Posts

Posted - 04/04/2013 :  12:07:35 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
This may be old, but it is a good laugh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPBYNHWUGok

Rich
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mwbpequod
Fireman

USA
1976 Posts

Posted - 04/05/2013 :  09:16:58 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?

Well, first you fill up the bathtub and then you offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person in question to empty the bathtub.

So, a normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup??????


No.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A normal person just pulls the drain plug.

To act in the world is the only way to understand it. In this life it is given only to God and his angels and poets to be lookers-on.
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reklein
Engine Wiper

USA
261 Posts

Posted - 04/05/2013 :  1:18:47 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
ole the recruiter


Ole..... A born salesman.


Ole, the smoothest-talking Norskie in the Minnesota National Guard, got called up to active duty.


Ole's first assignment was in a military induction center.


Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits,


Especially the GI life insurance, to which they were entitled.


The officer in charge soon noticed that Ole was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance. This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30 per month for the higher coverage compared to what the government was already providing at no charge.


The officer decided he'd sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Ole's sales pitch.


Ole stood up before the latest group of inductees and said,


"If you haf da normal GI insurans an' yoo go to Afghanistan an' get yourself killed,


da governmen' pays yer beneficiary $20,000.


If yoo take out da supplemental insurans, vich cost you only t'irty dollars a mont, den da governmen' got ta pay yer beneficiary $200,000!"


"Now," Ole concluded, "Vich bunch you tink dey gonna send ta Afghanistan first?"



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jaynjay
Fireman

USA
5695 Posts

Posted - 04/05/2013 :  5:05:04 PM  Show Profile  Visit jaynjay's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Got this from a friend, it is pretty neat:

http://www.flixxy.com/michael-carbonaro-the-magic-clerk.htm#.UV85CYwo7OV

John
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Rick
Administrator

USA
22966 Posts

Posted - 04/05/2013 :  6:22:01 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Some good stuff being posted.

Some more magic.

Penn & Teller Fool Us Episode 3 FishBowl trick - http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=nZM4Iu0sosM
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teaspoon
Fireman

USA
1078 Posts

Posted - 04/06/2013 :  9:20:29 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
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mwbpequod
Fireman

USA
1976 Posts

Posted - 04/08/2013 :  09:07:34 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Three older men sitting on a bench.......

First man: Every time I get up at 6 am and have to wait an hour to pee.

Second man: I understand. Every morning I get up at 6 am and have to wait 45 minutes for a BM.

Thrid man: You think you have it bad? Every morning I have a huge BM and a massive pee at 6 am like clockwork!

First man: Well, what's so bad about that?







Third man: I don't get up until 7 am.

To act in the world is the only way to understand it. In this life it is given only to God and his angels and poets to be lookers-on.
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Mainframer
Engine Wiper

USA
323 Posts

Posted - 04/08/2013 :  10:48:08 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head
and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant
you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking;
The supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can
do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of
something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand
women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment,
why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to
help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

God replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

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