|T O P I C R E V I E W
||Posted - 10/01/2012 : 10:29:01 AM
I'm starting this new thread as a place to post jokes, videos, pictures and just about any other off topic thing you want to put here.
Two reasons for doing this.
One, it helps cut down on the number of threads in the Lounge.
Second, it makes finding videos, pictures or jokes that were posted in the past easier to find.
I've tried finding things that were posted and wanted to see again but sometimes I just couldn't find it.
I hope everyone enjoys this thread and even contributes to it from time to time.
|15 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First)
||Posted - 02/14/2020 : 07:46:30 AM
||Posted - 02/08/2020 : 01:12:09 AM
||Posted - 02/06/2020 : 07:33:30 AM
||Posted - 01/19/2020 : 8:19:27 PM
Tech Support: OK, now right click.
Customer: Which one's that?
Tech Support: On the right side of the mouse.
Customer: I'm left handed.
Tech Support: OK, well, look at the mouse and click whichever button you don't normally click on.
Customer: That's the left for me.
Tech Support: OK, click that.
Customer: With which hand?
(An actual computer tech support call)
||Posted - 01/15/2020 : 09:32:18 AM
Good one Rick.
||Posted - 01/15/2020 : 03:00:06 AM
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff:
Spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Allie was left.
"Allie, do you have a story to share?"
'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Navy pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
''Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher.....
What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Don't MESS with Mommy when she's been drinking."
||Posted - 12/19/2019 : 07:40:20 AM
A circus owner runs an advert for a 'lion tamer wanted' and two people show up.
One is a retired golfer in his late-sixties and the other is a drop-dead, gorgeous brunette with a killer body in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history."
"Here's your equipment -- a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The gorgeous brunette says, "I'll go first."
She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage.
The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. As he gets close, the gorgeous brunette throws open her coat revealing her beautiful, perfect naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss every inch of her body for several minutes, then lays down and rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor!! He says, "That's amazing! I've never seen anything like that in my life!"
He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"
The old golfer replies, "Possibly...but you've got to get that lion out of there first."
||Posted - 11/05/2019 : 06:33:49 AM
||Posted - 10/27/2019 : 8:19:11 PM
An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. ‘Fred’ he replies.
‘Fred what?” the officer asks.
‘Just Fred’ the man responds. The officer, in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him again for a last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but he lost it.
The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. ‘Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’
The biker replies, ’It’s a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS with VD. Well the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am just Fred.’
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
||Posted - 10/26/2019 : 02:18:13 AM
||Posted - 10/25/2019 : 07:37:08 AM
||Posted - 10/13/2019 : 07:15:11 AM
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need are two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
||Posted - 10/04/2019 : 07:39:15 AM
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
||Posted - 09/28/2019 : 06:14:32 AM
Two engineering students were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One student shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both have since flunked out and are now serving in the U.S. Congress.
||Posted - 09/28/2019 : 02:53:22 AM
Rick and Norton, thanks for the laughs!